Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
