Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
