the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
