Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
