and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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