O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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