she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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