Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
