i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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