Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
