My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Soap is not a condiment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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