Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
