but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
