pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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