I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
