How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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