the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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