The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
