I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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