This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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