if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
