...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
