Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
