new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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