I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
