Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
