smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
