I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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