if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
