I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
