fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
