You just made me feel so damn special
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
