how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
