Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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