we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
