I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so explain again why im purple
no
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
