I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
