An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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