She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
