i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize