My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
