I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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