You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
