what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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