I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Shame - the story of my life.
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