there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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