Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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