Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
