BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
