I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Welp...herpes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
