yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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