I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
