Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
