You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
