So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize