You're so nebulous sometimes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
