The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
