My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
