I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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