I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
