wat bout pragnant strippers??
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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