I just made out with a guy for $7.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize