i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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