Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
