Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize