i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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