I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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