How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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