I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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