I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
