After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
